Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Sathya + Tony | Adelaide Family Photographer

I really wanted to share this recent family session I did. I will also have it up on my website in the next day or so.

I love this job, I love meeting families. I love meeting mums and dads, grandmas and grandpas, even the pets too. I love to watch families together, I love to see and capture those little moments, those looks, those quick kisses. These moments are everything. 

Sathya and I were bound to cross paths eventually, our families are intertwined. I had the pleasure of heading up to their beautiful family home a couple of weeks back. These guys are so darn cutsie, not sickeningly so, just honestly gorgeous. I am pretty excited to be shooting their wedding next year and I am pretty grateful to have made a new pal or two.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Boy That Does Not Talk (part two).

Have you ever had one of those moments where something that you think or feel, something so deep seeded and ingrain in your layers, comes up and punches you in the face (figuratively speaking)? This just happened to me and it has left me a little breathless. 

I have meaning to write this post for a few weeks now, something that I have so wanted to share and express. I find blogging is a great way for me to explore my deeper thoughts, it is a way for them to get out, it is a way for me to actually see them, feel them and hear them. I guess I have been avoiding it, I just didn't know what to say. 

About eight weeks ago we go some very exciting and heartbreaking news about our beautiful Willow. My darling baby boy, suffers from a very common condition called Verbal Dyspraxia. Many of you who followed along with my old blog would know that my three and a half year old son does not talk.  Finally it had a name, finally I knew that we were not alone. For me, it is the hardest bloody thing I have had to deal with as a mother. Having a child that cannot talk has all but destroyed my heart and soul and rebuilt it again. Every single morning and every single night, I look into his beautiful blue eyes and wonder if today will be the day that he says something new, perhaps even two or three words. I cry and scream internal tears even hour of every day. I have blamed myself, I have blamed everything and everyone but I have learnt to not blame and to just embrace. I still weep all. the. time. I recoil with shame some days - like I am the one who has caused this and I should punish myself. I have felt the shame when I take my son to the playground. I have cancelled playmates for fear of questions, for fear of looking like a bad parent, a parent that does not know how to parent. I take a lot of things to heart, I am a sensitive soul. I worry, I care, I over think, I over analyse.

Keith and I were just channel surfing and story came on 60 Minutes about autistic children and the breakthrough they have had with the use of iPads. Within thirty seconds of this story starting, the silent tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. A beautiful 9 year old girl who cannot talk was having a conversation with her mother via the use of an app on her iPad. I couldn't help myself, I wept, uncontrollably. I looked over to Keith and I could see those same tears in his eyes. My beautiful boy does not suffer from autism but sometimes I feel that maybe he does. We have had all of the tests, we have had all of the assessments and all of the checks but a part of my heart aches and feels that maybe he does. We have used the iPad a lot with Will, it is a fantastic educational tool for children that have difficulties communication and it is a brilliant way for him to learn. I could not help but weep when I saw these beautiful children, the joy on their faces. I miss my boy, I cry for the beautiful smart and gentle boy that he is, I cry for the beautiful talkative boy that he could be. 

I want to be the best mother I can be. I want my children to be proud of me. I want to to the right thing. I want to stop worrying so much. I want to be guided in the right direction. I feel that sometimes my blogging can be a little emotional and I really hope that I do not come across as someone who is struggling, only as much as a mother can, I guess. I am so grateful to be inspired by all of you, whoever you are. Thank you, for more than you know. 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Friday, Schmiday.

Good morning (or what is left of it),

Hurrah it is Friday. My very favourite day of the week. How are you and what are your plans for this fine day? Well, it appears that my mojo has all but gone - I think it left the building before I even got our of bed.

After a restless night of cray-cray Kardashian clan and Kanye West dreams, I awoke to the blazing sun feeling very sore and all stuffy in the head. The gym totally broke my balls yesterday, not that I worked that hard at all but I feel like I am stuck in the body of a 95 year old woman today. I had to rush off to Centrelink to finalise an annoying claim that has been dragging on for months (you know the sort that I mean). As I waited in the horrendously decorated pea soup sweqy green waiting room, my fuzzy head almost had me snoring in the uncomfortable micro-fibre clad chairs. A lovely lady ushered me over and informed me that a substantial amount (by centreline definition) of money was owed to us and will deposited in our account immediately HURRAH!!! Since Kdog finished work a few months ago, we have been surviving on our savings, which are slowly but surely decreasing.

Positive numero uno.
I popped over to the local shopping centre for what I thought would be a super quick in and out trip. Alas, it was not and I decided that it would be an awesome idea to go and try on clothes that I know would not look as awesome as I had visualised. You see, in my mind I am a baben' fox with the body of a goddess however, the mirror said otherwise.

Negative numero uno.

I got home to three frazzled beings. A snotty nearly four year old who cracks the shits if you look at him the wrong way. An uber emo and clingy nearly two year old (with a fat lip mind you) and a darling husband that was chomping at the bit to escape for a day man relaxation in the countryside.

So here I am, bulgy stuffy eyes, propped up at the kitchen bench with a cold coffee in hand, inhaling jam on toast. I am determined to not let these babies break my balls (even further).

Have a beautiful day friends. The one thing getting me through this day is a lovely eve with some gorgeous gals, eating and drinking the night away.

What are your plans this weekend?

ps. Kdog decided to take my camera with him on his little man escape - hence the crappy phone shots!! jeeeeeeeze

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Persian Love Cake | Recipe

I have a very important question to ask you, do you like cake? It is hard to believe, but there are some people out there who do not like cake.....weirdo's!

Well I love just about every type of cake there is. One cake I had never tried, but heard a lot about was the Persian Love Cake. I sampled some a few weeks ago and its distinctive taste had me hook, line and sinker.

After a quick google I found the recipe over here. I have added a splash of this and a sprinkle of that. The end result is a 'grown up' tasting cake.

Give it a go and let me know what you think.

3 cups  almond meal
1 cup  raw sugar
1 cup  brown sugar
120 grams butter
2  eggs, lightly beaten
1  cup greek yoghurt
1  tablespoon nutmeg
1/2  teaspoon of rosewater
Sprinkle of cinnamon
1/4   cup chopped pistachios

1. Preheat oven to 180C.
2. Combine almond meal, sugars, butter and 1 tsp salt in a bowl, then rub with fingertips until coarse crumbs form. 
3. Spoon half the mixture into a greased and lined 26cm-diameter springform pan, gently pressing to evenly cover base.
4. Add egg, yoghurt, nutmeg, rosewater and remaining crumble mix and beat with a spoon until smooth.
5. Pour over prepared base, smooth top, scatter pistachios and sprinkle some cinnamon around edge and bake until golden (30-35 minutes.)
6. Cool completely in pan on a wire rack to room temperature, then serve with extra yoghurt. The cake will keep in an airtight container for up to a week.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A Real Mum.

Yesterday my first born flew from the nest, I finally felt like a 'real mum' and I found myself asking some questions.

Is this the beginning of the end (of his baby years at home/full time mothering)?
Will he be ok?
Will he manage all of the hurdles that get thrown his way?
Will be be a good man?
Will he be kind?
Will he love?
Will he respect?

I felt relatively okay after the morning pre school drop off. The classic time where many parents fall apart, when they return to an empty home, calm and quiet all around. This will often set off the tears. Not for me. I was a-okay! Keith was a little bit misty eyed, and a little quiet. I, on the other hand, was full of beans. In fact I was kind of cursing the time that he would finish and calm would turn back into chaos.

Our friend dropped in and we all headed out for a coffee before we would pick up time. ahhhhhhh bliss. As we got up from the table to make our journey over the road to the school, I had a sudden wave of uneasiness. I hope he is ok, I hope he didn't freak out when he realised we had snuck out the gate and left him.

We arrived at the front gate, all was quiet. I could not see a single little person anywhere. I stepped through the little door into the classroom, where everything was in miniature form, I could see all of these beautiful little heads sitting on the floor. As the teacher told them all about how everyone all over the world was the same, I searched for his beautiful little swirl in his golden hair. As I searched, I thought to myself how happy I was that we had chosen this school for Will. In a flash, the office door opened and out came my beautiful little boy. His smile so big it melted my heart. As he whizzed past us, I wondered why he was in the office. I wondered how he went, was he ok, did they cope with having a very enthusiastic nearly four year old who does not talk. Did he even realise that we had left.
The teacher spoke to us briefly about Will's progress, she seemed quite happy with how he went that morning. She asked a few questions and then we were on our way.

The uneasiness only increased as we got home. The only way to cure this uneasiness was to do one thing. SMOTHER HIM IN LOVE. We pilled all of the cushions and blankets on to the lounge room floor, put a Play School dvd on and simply inhaled all of that deliciousness. I looked at his beautiful face, his warm sticky hands pressed up against my cheeks, his lip smacking kisses graced my face, and I immediately started to feel at ease. My baby was home.

So I wanted to know, how did you go on the first day of preschool?
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