How are you? My name is Amelia, and I am fat.
For most of my teenage and adult life I have been less than impressed with my body. The way it looks, the way it wobbles, the freckles, the scars, you name it - I hated it. There have been two occasions where I have been proud of my body, and praised it's amazingness - PREGNANCY. However, since giving birth to my last child, nearly two years ago, it is safe to say my body is physically at it's all time worst. There are rolls and stretch marks where I didn't expect rolls or stretch marks to form. I have the posture of my ninety year old grandmother, the lungs of a pack a day smoker (note: I don't actually smoke a pack a day, I might smoke once, every now and then, as a social thing - disgusting I know), and the energy of a slug.
I get into a flap whenever I have to select an outfit to wear. It doesn't matter whether I am going up to the supermarket for a loaf of bread, or heading out to the hippest bar in town - when it's time to pick out some clothes, I am in a stage of PANIC!! It is not too out of the ordinary to find me buried under a pile of ill fitting clothes, silently hoping that something will make me look like how I imagine myself in my head. I have my standard selection of black this or dark that, long cardigan here, loose fitting jacket there. I can no longer shop in the 'normal' section of the shops - I have moved to the plus side. I hate it! Lately there have been occasions where I have actually CANCELED MY PLANS because my self-confidence was at an all time low! NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Today is the day. I have had e-bloody-nough.
There will no longer be 'quick fixes' when 10am or 3pm rolls along. There will no longer be easy high in fat takeaway for dinner because I have been too tired to prepare a wholesome meal. Sure, there will be the occasional treat, but not three or four nights a week!!!!!!
I cannot continue on another day living a life that is not working towards by better self.
I cannot continue to feel self conscious, physically unwell, tired, malnourished, unfocused, and uninspired.
I cannot continue being a less than great individual, mother and wife.
This is the time.
I am going to document some portions of my journey here, on my little blog. Please feel free to tell me your story, share some of your tips or meal ideas.
Big love,
A
x
Oh honey. Weight struggles are so freaking hard. I can't help you because I struggle with the same self sabotaging issues, but what I can say is be kind to yourself. Take it slow and remember you are awesome. Just because someone is skinny doesn't mean they are happy and kind and smart and talented - like you xx
ReplyDeleteOh lovely. I'm sad to read that you've been limited by your self talk in any way. I've struggled with weight in my time, a lot. I've been up and down - super skinny and super overweight. It's not an easy path to tread. I will be cheering for you every single step of the way as I do for you in every step you take. Love you. x
ReplyDeleteYou're beautiful Amelia, no matter what. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you for your beautiful honesty. Just so you know, I always look at your photos and think you are so beautiful with a wonderful sense of style and the best bed-hair. I too am struggling a bit in this area... I weigh more than I did at 41+ weeks pregnant. How did that happen? x x x
ReplyDeleteThis was just so inspiring reading this, you are beautiful, but I understand how you feel. I am in a parallel position at the moment, finally had enough, and trying with all my might, but gently to make some changes to my life , and mostly my body. Be Gentle on yourself, do it for your health and happiness.
ReplyDeleteYour honesty has moved me xx
oh beautiful one, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling.
ReplyDeleteFrom your list above the words that really stand out are "tired, malnourished, unfocused". I think you need to work on these first, for your wellbeing as a woman and a mama. My advice? - see a naturopath. I know i harp on about naturopathy but honestly, if you can feel energised and alive you will find the motivation and inspiration to cook good food, regularly exercise and start a new path.
Some gentle yoga will be good for you too - for hridaya mudra, your heart space.
Much love x
I want to join you!!!!!
ReplyDeletewant to start a club? seriously, an online love-ya-body club where beautiful people like yourself (and me too) have a space to swap ideas,motivate each other and celebrate our achivements big and small! i think its a crackin idea, are you in?
ReplyDeletexx