Monday, April 1, 2013
How are you? My name is Amelia, and I am fat.
For most of my teenage and adult life I have been less than impressed with my body. The way it looks, the way it wobbles, the freckles, the scars, you name it - I hated it. There have been two occasions where I have been proud of my body, and praised it's amazingness - PREGNANCY. However, since giving birth to my last child, nearly two years ago, it is safe to say my body is physically at it's all time worst. There are rolls and stretch marks where I didn't expect rolls or stretch marks to form. I have the posture of my ninety year old grandmother, the lungs of a pack a day smoker (note: I don't actually smoke a pack a day, I might smoke once, every now and then, as a social thing - disgusting I know), and the energy of a slug.
I get into a flap whenever I have to select an outfit to wear. It doesn't matter whether I am going up to the supermarket for a loaf of bread, or heading out to the hippest bar in town - when it's time to pick out some clothes, I am in a stage of PANIC!! It is not too out of the ordinary to find me buried under a pile of ill fitting clothes, silently hoping that something will make me look like how I imagine myself in my head. I have my standard selection of black this or dark that, long cardigan here, loose fitting jacket there. I can no longer shop in the 'normal' section of the shops - I have moved to the plus side. I hate it! Lately there have been occasions where I have actually CANCELED MY PLANS because my self-confidence was at an all time low! NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Today is the day. I have had e-bloody-nough.
There will no longer be 'quick fixes' when 10am or 3pm rolls along. There will no longer be easy high in fat takeaway for dinner because I have been too tired to prepare a wholesome meal. Sure, there will be the occasional treat, but not three or four nights a week!!!!!!
I cannot continue on another day living a life that is not working towards by better self.
I cannot continue to feel self conscious, physically unwell, tired, malnourished, unfocused, and uninspired.
I cannot continue being a less than great individual, mother and wife.
This is the time.
I am going to document some portions of my journey here, on my little blog. Please feel free to tell me your story, share some of your tips or meal ideas.